Facing The Shame Machine
For the past several weeks, I have promised myself I would start blogging regularly. I even have a long list of things I want to write about that I am excited to jump into. But every time I sit down at my computer and open up a blank document to get started, I freeze. I fight to get out sentences and they feel forced and don’t sound like me. I love to write, so what the hell is my problem?!
But last week all of a sudden, it clicked. I figured out what my hang-up was. It wasn’t about not having anything to say, because trust me, that is never a problem, it was more about my fear of saying something “wrong” or that would be received by the communities I engage with as being wrong. The internet is a cruel place that doesn’t leave much room for making mistakes. And like everybody does at some point, I will make a mistake.
I recorded a podcast last week and as soon as it was over, I was buzzing with excitement. It felt good to talk about my practice and the things that make me love my work. But just hours later, I was dissecting everything I said. Did I word that right? Should I have said this instead? I had lost all of the positive parts of that experience and was dwelling on a few details. I did not want to feel the backlash of saying something not perfect.
Our internet shame machine has fueled my perfectionism. It doesn't allow for mistakes and pours on public shaming when there is a slip-up. It has taken away any room for growth and learning from the process and messing up.
So how am I supposed to put my thoughts and who I am out for the world to tear apart?
That’s the challenge, isn’t it? If we are so afraid to put ourselves out there and be vulnerable, how does anybody get to know who we are? If we live our life behind walls for fear of what others may say, will anybody REALLY know us?
So here I am. Time to push through those fears and share me with the world. At some point, I may need to apologize and correct myself about something, but that’s part of growing. Avoiding something that scares us because we may not be perfect at it gets us nowhere. Shame wins.
But by being vulnerable, sharing my fears, and challenging my perfectionist thoughts, I get to take some power back from the controlling thoughts powered by shame. And each time I do that, it’ll get easier.
Today, I am reclaiming my power from the internet shame machine.
If you or a loved one need support, begin therapy in St. Louis, MO!
Perfectionism and shame often go hand in hand. These cause you to feel less about yourself and keep you in the shame cycle. You’re more than these negative thoughts. Counseling can be a great place to challenge these beliefs. At Embodied Therapy in Missouri, you will work with a skilled therapist who will help you understand what you’re dealing with. With the help of a compassionate and motivated guide, we can explore what is underneath to help you develop better insight into what you’re dealing with. When you’re ready for support, follow these simple steps to begin therapy for perfectionism:
Contact Embodied Self Counseling to learn about the services I offer.
Meet with me, Erin, for a 20-minute consultation.
Beginning canceling the anxiety, perfectionism, and shame narrative.
Other Therapy Services at Embodied Self Counseling
Perfectionism, anxiety, and shame, all strive for control. It can leave you feeling worthless and living in isolation. It’s time for a change. If you need support, you have come to the right place. At Embodied Self Counseling’s St. Louis office, I offer online therapy in Missouri and online therapy in Wisconsin to accommodate your busy schedule. If you have "stuff with food" that others don't get, you could be a good fit for my eating disorder treatment. Additionally, I provide a unique approach to working with atypical anorexia and perfectionism. I offer eating disorder treatment for men too. I am also adept at working with athletes if you’re dealing with anxiety and uncertainty from the sport you’re in. Take back control and rewrite that shame narrative in your life.